When do you know you are a hopelessly addicted male photographer?

  • Your clothes drawers have more camera equipment in than clothes.
  • You get more phone calls from your camera shop than from your wife.
  • You buy a new mobile phone because it has 24 megapixels.
  • You cannot walk past a camera shop without walking in.
  • After making love you accidentally call your wife by the name of the lady in the camera shop.
  • Your wife moves out because you used all the bedsheets for backdrops.
  • Your ex-wife sends photographs of the kids – you phone her to ask what paper it was printed on.
  • You keep your camera on your desk. You stop the shakes with the sound of the shutter.
  • You make yourself a pair of sunglasses from two ND8s.
  • A foreign power threatens war. You spend two days researching which ND filter can photograph a nuclear explosion.
  • Your heart pounds when your lens glints at hers across a crowded room.
  • When you imagine your hot new girlfriend in lingerie, each suspender has a little word embroidered on it… “Canon”.
  • Your girlfriend rings to say she has had an accident and you ask if she got pictures.
  • You buy a labrador puppy and call it Kodak. You tell your friends you own a Kodak Lab.
  • You actually bought your new girlfriend one of those coffee mugs that look like a camera lens.
  • You owe more on your photographic purchases than on your mortgage.
  • You buy a trailer so you can take ALL your camera kit on a shoot.
  • You only buy condoms so you have dry lenses on a shoot.
  • The ‘light-of-your-life’ is a speedlite.
  • You’ve not seen your girlfriend for two weeks – all you can think about is apertures.
  • You don’t know why women seem so disinterested and wonder if an enlarger would help.
  • You sleep with your girlfriend for the first time and are proud you lasted 1/1000th sec.
  • When shooting RAW one day the police turn up and tell you to put clothes on.
  • You have nightmares about people using the ‘Green Square mode’
  • You come out of an action movie and can only remember how good the composition was.
  • You have 50,000 family photos, neatly categorized in LightRoom. You are not in any of them.
  • You email your doctor. He mails back “It’s not possible to have an image-sensor implant in your retina”.
  • More people say “What are you taking a picture of?” than say, “Hi…”.
  • All your clothes are coloured 18% grey.
  • Broken-down, rusting, junk is ‘beautiful’ and has great ‘texture’.
  • The girlfriend decides to break up with you… You think the situation is ‘Contrasty’
  • A Wizard actually does live in your pocket.
  • You see a sign, “NO flash photography” and laugh because you know what high ISO means.
  • You find yourself thinking in f/stops and thousandths.
  • You go ‘full-manual’ with your cell phone.
  • This joke first appeared on www.Photokonnexion.com. Pass it on! Please give us credit, link to our site and pass on this line too. Thank you.

Tomorrow… Her.

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