Tag Archives: Joke

When do you know you are a hopelessly addicted female photographer?

  • You go on a first date with lingerie that has little cameras printed on it.
  • Finally the lingerie drawer has to go and your light modifiers now have a proper place.
  • You don’t go to a chick-flick with the girls to stay home and watch Nikon adverts on YouTube.
  • Your supplier keeps phoning to talk to you about fashionable camera straps.
  • Your only suspender belt has ‘Nikon’ embroidered on each suspender.
  • Your new boyfriend is hot because he owns a Leica.
  • A girlfriend says that on the second date you should take your ‘cap’ – you take a lens cap.
  • Love is when you share everything except your camera.
  • Your new boyfriend gave you one of those coffee mugs that look like a camera lens – you like it.
  • You have sewn a cool little pouch onto your camera strap for your lipstick.
  • You have 23 camera shops on speed-dial.
  • You are not ready to sleep with your new boyfriend and tell him to f/stop.
  • You keep spare memory cards in your hidden chocolate box, not chocolate.
  • Your intervalometer fires your Nikon to wake you up in the morning.
  • Family Sunday is portrait day… Yaay!
  • You are unsure what sort of pleasure you should be getting from a softbox.
  • You go to the beach and now have a suspicious white diagonal band across your tan.
  • ‘See-through-sexy’ is a 50mm f1.2.
  • You have a special mirror for straightening your camera straps.
  • You spend 20 minutes in a camera store choosing what colour your next lens cloth should be.
  • Your boyfriend rings and tells you he’s had an accident – you ask if his camera is OK.
  • You ask in a camera shop if you need adoption papers for a ‘Lensbaby’.
  • You finally decide to sleep with your boyfriend – you ask if a UV filter is good enough protection.
  • Your favorite song is “One day my prints will come”…
  • You go to a gynecologist because you have been told you should keep your ‘velvia’ in the fridge.
  • You get a 3-legged cat from the cat home. You call it ‘Tripod’.
  • You know that ‘Green Mode’ does not mean you are a vegetarian.
  • Your hand-luggage is heavier than your suitcases.
  • Lenses owned: 26. Pairs of shoes: 1
  • You rearrange your make-up drawer to improve the composition.
  • Finally you dump your handbag. Your lipstick, license and credit-cards fit fine in your new camera bag.
  • You have unsuccessfully tried to go back to ‘green mode’ seventeen times.
  • The camera you hold is more comfortable than the trainers on your feet.
  • You can’t post your daily picture today – it was accidentally taken in ‘P’ not ‘M’ – the EXIF shows you up.
  • In-out; in-out; in-out… Your 500mm zoom is endlessly fascinating.
  • You stop using Facebook because of ‘copyright’ issues.
  • Dilapidated, rat infested, paint peeling, crumbling old barns are ‘romantic’ and ‘atmospheric’.
  • This joke first appeared on www.Photokonnexion.com. Pass it on! Please give us credit, link to our site and pass on this line too. Thank you.

Yesterday… the hopelessly addicted male photographer?
Why not share your photographic weak spots. Leave a comment…

By Damon Guy (author and Photokonnexion editor)

Damon Guy - Netkonnexion

Damon Guy (Netkonnexion)

Damon is a writer-photog and editor of this site. He has run some major websites, a computing department and a digital image library. He started out as a trained teacher and now runs training for digital photographers.
See also: Editors ‘Bio’.

When do you know you are a hopelessly addicted male photographer?

  • Your clothes drawers have more camera equipment in than clothes.
  • You get more phone calls from your camera shop than from your wife.
  • You buy a new mobile phone because it has 24 megapixels.
  • You cannot walk past a camera shop without walking in.
  • After making love you accidentally call your wife by the name of the lady in the camera shop.
  • Your wife moves out because you used all the bedsheets for backdrops.
  • Your ex-wife sends photographs of the kids – you phone her to ask what paper it was printed on.
  • You keep your camera on your desk. You stop the shakes with the sound of the shutter.
  • You make yourself a pair of sunglasses from two ND8s.
  • A foreign power threatens war. You spend two days researching which ND filter can photograph a nuclear explosion.
  • Your heart pounds when your lens glints at hers across a crowded room.
  • When you imagine your hot new girlfriend in lingerie, each suspender has a little word embroidered on it… “Canon”.
  • Your girlfriend rings to say she has had an accident and you ask if she got pictures.
  • You buy a labrador puppy and call it Kodak. You tell your friends you own a Kodak Lab.
  • You actually bought your new girlfriend one of those coffee mugs that look like a camera lens.
  • You owe more on your photographic purchases than on your mortgage.
  • You buy a trailer so you can take ALL your camera kit on a shoot.
  • You only buy condoms so you have dry lenses on a shoot.
  • The ‘light-of-your-life’ is a speedlite.
  • You’ve not seen your girlfriend for two weeks – all you can think about is apertures.
  • You don’t know why women seem so disinterested and wonder if an enlarger would help.
  • You sleep with your girlfriend for the first time and are proud you lasted 1/1000th sec.
  • When shooting RAW one day the police turn up and tell you to put clothes on.
  • You have nightmares about people using the ‘Green Square mode’
  • You come out of an action movie and can only remember how good the composition was.
  • You have 50,000 family photos, neatly categorized in LightRoom. You are not in any of them.
  • You email your doctor. He mails back “It’s not possible to have an image-sensor implant in your retina”.
  • More people say “What are you taking a picture of?” than say, “Hi…”.
  • All your clothes are coloured 18% grey.
  • Broken-down, rusting, junk is ‘beautiful’ and has great ‘texture’.
  • The girlfriend decides to break up with you… You think the situation is ‘Contrasty’
  • A Wizard actually does live in your pocket.
  • You see a sign, “NO flash photography” and laugh because you know what high ISO means.
  • You find yourself thinking in f/stops and thousandths.
  • You go ‘full-manual’ with your cell phone.
  • This joke first appeared on www.Photokonnexion.com. Pass it on! Please give us credit, link to our site and pass on this line too. Thank you.

Tomorrow… Her.

Why not add your own points in a comment.